Mike Hulse: 7, no more, no less. ESPN loves this story. It’s also a waste of time. If you’d like to know what Mo’s gonna do, here it is: Mo will blow 3 saves in April, and then quietly run off 34 consecutive saves where’s he’s got a WHIP of like .053 and nobody will say a word because that’s what he does. This has happened for like, 4 running years. I see no reason for it to change.

Chad Jorgenson: I’m surprised they’re not running that story already. I’m sure it’s in the queue ready to go up. So lets see, season starts the 31st…so April 3rd is my over under line.

Eugene Tierney: He’ll blow 3 saves in the first 2 weeks and “Mariano-gate” will start again. Everyone knows he starts out slowly.

Aaron Cameron: One. And, as luck would have it, the Yanks open at home against the Blue Jays, who’ve become something of boutique pick to be a contender this year. Will ESPN bless us with a daily double of “Rivera’s lost it” and “Toronto is FOR REAL!” with 161 games left? Answer: That’s why we pray.

Thomas Daniels: Before tax day. It comes earlier every year.

22) What high payroll team (over $95 million) is likely to be a non-contender by September 1st?

Hulse: How about my PECOTA projected 77 win White Sox? They did just give Ozzie Guillen and his bipolar disorder an extension though, and he makes his teams gritty. So maybe they’re good for 80. Either way, they’re done.

Chad: Yankees.

Eugene: The Dodgers – all of the other big budget teams play in weaker divisions or already own them (or the wild card).

Daniels: If not for the absurdly weak division, I would have picked the Angels. That said, I think the Cubs (surprisingly) are going to disappoint this season and give way to the Brewers.

Aaron: The Nick Swisher acquisition did nothing to address the Chicago White Sox’s pee-poor pitching. The Tigers and Indians are the cream of the AL Central and if a few things break right for Minnesota, I could see the Pale Hose finishing as low as fourth. Wasn’t Ozzie Guillen’s ineptness just adorable when they were winning? Yes, it was.

23) What low payroll team will surprise everyone this year and make a run?

Hulse: It depends on your definition of “a run”. I mean, what’s more impressive, the Rays going 81-81 with a payroll around 25 million or Cleveland winning the Central again with a payroll of about 65 million? I’m firmly on the Rays for .500 bandwagon this season if their young pitching can develop. I’d take Cleveland but can a team that had a 3-1 lead in the ALCS last season really surprise you?

Chad: Tampa Bay.

Eugene: None – any small market club that could do it already is known (Colorado, Cleveland, Arizona).

Daniels: The Brewers. They now have a low-rent version of the Red Sox model in practice. A bunch of decent-to-good OBP guys surrounding one or two ridiculously good sluggers coupled with a serviceable-to-great bullpen and rotation.

Aaron: I really don’t think the A’s are going to be as bad as a lot of people think. They’re certainly not going to the playoffs, but every other team in the AL West has huge question marks from health (Angels) to offense/defense (Mariners) to pitching (Rangers). Oakland might hang around long enough to make it interesting, before fading in August/September.

24) Is Johan Santana likely to have a Josh Beckett/Barry Zito league-switching down season or should they just ship the Cy Young to Queens now?

Hulse: Send it. Beckett went from the NL in a ballpark that was super pitcher friendly to the AL and a pitchers nightmare. It took him some time to adjust. Zito was horrifically overrated before he left Oakland because he had a season where he won a lot of games and people remembered it. Santana will be going to one of the 5 best pitchers parks in baseball for half his starts and getting to face pitchers at the plate for 2 at bats per game. Imagine going from a place where you know you can’t win to a place where you have every opportunity to do so. He’ll be motivated and feed off the atmosphere at Shea, which is one of the few places where the crowd gets truly into a great pitching performance.

Chad:
Johan Santana
C/O New York Mets
123-01 Roosevelt Avenue
Flushing, NY 11368

Eugene: Like I mentioned before, Santana pitching in Shea will make up for any league-switching issues. Send him the award now.

Daniels: Barry Zito had an “adjustment” year because he’s been on the decline and wasn’t worth that much money to begin with. Beckett had an “adjustment” year because he was injured. Santana is not injured, in his prime, and is probably going to start the season with 7 straight wins as the league catches up to him. I have a feeling Santana is going to have a “2005 Roger Clemens” type year with more of those super-duper important Wins.

Aaron: Bartolo Colon stole the Cy from Johan in 2005, so the best starting pitcher in the league doesn’t always win it. And, for what it’s worth, Zito’s problems had less to do with switching leagues and more to do with being a nibbling lefty who’s too gutless to challenge big league hitters anymore. Back to your question, don’t ship the Cy Young to New York just yet.

25) If you had to make one fearless, out-on-a-limb, but sure to happen prediction, what would it be?

Hulse: Here goes nothing. I can’t wait to see the responses. The New York Yankees will not win 90 games this season. They will miss the playoffs. Write it down. The pitching staff is too young and the bullpen is too thin, especially if they go through with their plan to have Joba spend the first half of the season in the pen and the second half in the rotation (on a side note, isn’t that just asking for Joba to need Tommy John by 2009? Get his arm conditioned for short work then make him extend himself? I don’t understand it.). Couple that with a really deep American League where the Wild Card will be taken by a team that wins somewhere between 92-95 games, and I don’t see it.

Chad: The Tampa Bay Rays will, I repeat, WILL finish ahead of the New York Yankees.

Eugene: The AL Wildcard will come out of the Central.

Daniels: The Mets win 100 games this year and two of their pitchers will finish 1 and 2 in Cy Young voting.

Aaron: This will be Joe Torre’s first and last season as manager of the Dodgers. His hiring always seemed like more of an “eff you” to Hank Steinbrenner, instead of a real desire to build another World Series winner. Torre has better players than Jim Leyland did during his miserable 1999 stint with the Rockies, but the ending will be the same.
Bonus Question: What two teams, if contracted, would you not even notice were gone?

Hulse: Easy. The Royals and the Rangers. Everyone loves the Marlins for this, but honestly, at least they’ve been relevant in this decade. The Royals have been run into the ground for as long as I can remember as they shipped out every major piece of talent they’ve produced in the last decade for spare parts because they can’t committ like 10 million per year to anyone. Of course they’re more than willing to committ like 9 million to the dynamic duo of Brett Tomko and Mark Gudzielanek. You may also argue the Twins, and sure they’ve been shipping out talent they can’t afford, but at least they’ve been competitive for the recent few years. The Twins don’t need to be contracted as much as they need to be sold. Meanwhile the Rangers have been a doormat for almost their entire existence, save a stretch in the late 90’s where they become the Yankees personal ALDS whipping post. They’re alrgely remembered as the team that overpaid for ARod and sent the entire pay scale out of whack for the next decade. They’re done, dead to me.

Chad: Texas and Toronto

Eugene: Tampa Bay and Florida – both teams don’t have a large fan base and more of the locals follow their spring training teams.

Daniels: The Marlins and the Rays. Selig has certainly made some dumb decisions regarding team ownership, but putting two new franchises in a state and putting crappy owners in charge of both of them was a stupid idea.

Of course, now they’re both getting stadiums, so who knows.

Aaron: (1) NY Yankees (2) Boston Red Sox. Really, I’m not being an a-hole here. I live in San Diego, I root for the Oakland A’s and I watch/attend more games in the Pacific Time Zone than anywhere else. Furthermore, I go out of my way to tune out the breathless hyperbole and non-news stories that surround these two teams in the national media.

Eugene Tierney: My favorites have been the low risk/high reward moves: Bartolo Colon signing a minor league deal with Boston could be huge with Schilling going down. He provides insurance if Lester or Buchholz aren’t ready and won’t cost much. The same goes with Mark Prior signing with the Padres; if healthy, he could turn into the starter the Cubs envisioned. Kyle Lohse and Matt Clement could be great moves for the Cardinals too.

Aaron Cameron: No contest. The A’s signed quadruple-A OF and former Barry Bonds understudy, Todd Linden to a minor league contract. This spring, Linden went out and hit .577, like he always does against minor league pitching. Then, when the A’s announced he hadn’t made the team, he’s spent the last two weeks ripping the franchise, burning bridges and turning himself into a toxic cancer that even a stupid, needy team like Pittsburgh wouldn’t want. Keep rockin’, Todd.

Mike Hulse: Honestly, in a year where there were no big “OMGOMGWTFBBQBBQ!!!!111!!!11111!!!ONEONEONE!!!!!!” acquisitions, I have to start looking outside the box. Honestly, I can’t believe I’m about to type this…but here goes.

Troy Percival…2 years….8 million…Tampa Bay Rays.

Yup, you read that correctly. No, it’s not a typo. No, I’m not crazy. Hear me out. Tampa had the WORST pen in baseball last season. They were historically awful. Percival’s a major risk for sure, but at 4 mil per season, he’s on the cheap. If he’s there, he can help develop the pitchers, and if he can stay healthy, he’s going to lock down the pen, save 30 games like he always used to do, and provide much needed stability. I feel like a Closer is the #2 guy on your staff behind your ace starter if you can find one. If you have a guy to lock down the end of a game, it changes the thinking of the other team. If your closer is shaky, teams feel like they truly have all 27 outs to work with.

Chad Jorgenson: I might be off my rocker here, but I’m going to say Eric Gagne. He was actually doing decent in the closer role for Texas before he got shipped off to Boston, and he’s back in the NL with the weaker lineups. Add in the NL Central isn’t exactly the best division in baseball and Gagne could have a very good season, maybe not a 50 save season, but mid to up 30’s and a respectable ERA.

Thomas Daniels: Eric Gagne by the Brewers. They overpaid for him, but moving back to the low-pressure NL Central and he’s almost back in Canada, so that can’t hurt. Lost in his awful finish in Boston was the fact he was destroying the AL West with the Rangers for the first half the season. In 34 appearances with Texas he pitched to a 1.05 WHIP with a 210 ERA+. It gives the Brewers a real closer and if Turnbow avoids another awful year it gives the Brewers a really, really solid pen.

12) What was the single worst free-agent acquisition?

Eugene: Kaz Matsui signing with the Astros – Matsui got the contract from the Coors Effect. The Astros should have called the teams that signed Jeff Cirillo and Vinny Castilla after they left Colorado. They also should realize that they have a former All Star and perfectly good second baseman in Mark Loretta.

Aaron: The Angels signing of OF Torii Hunter gets the silver. A fluky spike in batting average last year drove his other numbers up across the board and the Halos get five years of his decline. The gold goes to the White Sox for handing RP Scott Linebrink a FOUR year deal. His last good year was 2005 and his affinity for giving up the home run (21 in his last 146 IP) won’t be helped by his new home park.

Hulse: Torii Hunter…5 years, 90 million? Torii Hunter is worth 18 million per year? Really? When did this happen? Anaheim, for years, has pursued a bat to protect Vlad Guerrero in the lineup, so they drop 18 per on a guy who should hit like .280 with 25 HR’s. Oh, and they have him until he’s 38…and they just dropped 50 mil on Gary Matthews, who’s basically Torii Light. 140 mil over the next 5 seasons for 2 guys who do the same thing. Savvy.

Chad: Troy Percival. He retired because of arm trouble, never had surgery, and now I’m supposed to believe his arm will hold up throughout the year. Let alone the 2 years he signed the contract for.

Daniels: Curt Schilling, 1-year/$8 million from the Red Sox. After guilting the Red Sox into giving him one more year, it turns out that he probably won’t even throw a pitch. God-fearing, honest man that he is, he decided to rightly give the money back to the Red Sox. Just kidding. Honorable mention goes to the one-year still left on Carl Pavano’s deal.

13) Are you a stathead or a seamhead? If you’re a seamhead, explain how you can be so wrong about life. If you’re a stathead, tell seamheads why they’re wrong about life.

Eugene: I’m more stathead, but I have studied mechanics and scouting. I like to think I’m a nice blend of both.

Aaron: I’m a bit of both. I think there’s plenty of room for new ways to analyze the game, even if I don’t need VORP to tell me that Albert Pujols is a good player. Conversely, there is nothing like sitting in the stands and watching the game unfold in front of you. If I had to choose, I probably lean more towards stathead. Mostly because of our shared hatred for gritty, untalented white ballplayers who “get the most out of their talent”.

Hulse: I am both. I am neither. Both statheads and seamheads have value. The only people who are wrong are the ones who don’t give the other side any credit. People who discredit On Base % as being less important than batting average are dumb. People who simply, blindly trust someone’s VORP because it’s got a cool sound and never actually watch baseball games are equally dumb. People who think ARod “failed” in the 2005 ALDS against Anaheim even though he sports an OBP of like .450 are dumb. People who think that there’s absolutely no difference in how a player will perform in May as opposed to October? Dumb. All schools of thought have some value.

Chad: Seamhead. If you can’t figure out who’s good and who’s not from the basic stats and watching the games there’s something wrong with you.

Daniels: I strongly tend toward stathead. I do think that character and “team guys” and clutchiness exist… I just think it tends to be very, very over-rated. Clutch is just the ability to treat 2 outs, man on, bottom of the ninth exactly the same as top of the first. That said, seamhead’s bull-headed insistence to rely on statistics like wins and batting average is dreadfully stupid. Walks are not counted in to the batting average because the guy who invented the box score 100 years ago was a cricket fan, which didn’t have walks, so he decided “eff it, walks don’t count.” We use a statistic invented by a Brit just because that’s the way it’s always been done. This means if you like batting average you hate America. Chew on that.

14) Will this be the year the National League finally wins the All-Star game?

Eugene: Not in the farewell to Yankee Stadium – I think they’ll win next year when I’ll be present.

Aaron: God, I hope so. I’d hate to think that Freddy Sanchez will have to spend another summer getting razzed by winning All-Stars like Gil Meche. Do it for Freddy, guys. Do it for…whatever city he plays in.

Hulse: Who cares? Seriously. The All Star Game itself sucks. The Home Run Derby is cool, but the game is a bunch of guys playing to not get hurt for like, 2 innings. Of course affects the biggest point of the season, the World Series.

Chad: I’m gonna go with no. But they could. If anyone actually cared.

Daniels: In Yankee Stadium? Tough sell. I’m going with no.

15) The cheapest tickets for the home run derby on Stub Hub are currently $550 while the cheapest tickets for the All-Star game are $794. What kind of moron pays a thousand dollars to see an exhibition game?

Eugene: Me, but I’d spend the whole time at the stadium trying to get autographs. Some of those would pay for the ticket, if I ever decided to sell them.

Aaron: Not THIS moron, I can tell you. Still, I can’t hate on those who do. I’d probably go as high as $250 or so and I’m sure there are people who think that’s just as insane. However, I’ll concede that baseball’s All Star Game is absolutely unwatchable beyond the player introductions and the first inning or two. OK, $275, but not a nickel more.

Hulse: The same kind of moron who actually wasted question 14 on a prediction about the same exhibition game, if he had that kind of money to spend. So would I. If I could just light a grand on fire because i had the money…I’d go too. The game might suck, but it’s at Yankee Stadium in its final year before we get its replica.

Chad: Obviously they are statheads and don’t know any better.

Daniels: I couldn’t believe this when I saw it. I was kind of digging the idea of going to the All-Star game this year…. For like $50. People paying $500 to watch a glorified work-out need to be off my planet… mostly so I can afford to go.

Tomorrow our band of adventurers continue to ignore the fact that regular season baseball is going on right now and look at some fantasy guys for 2008 along with trades and your least favorite baseball announcer. While you wait, you can always check out Part I and Part II.

Stay tuned later today for Cam’s AL West preview and Eugene’s NL Central preview.

6) What team is most improved over last year?

Aaron Cameron: Last year, I picked the Diamondbacks to win the NL West and lose in the NLCS way before anyone else got on board the bandwagon. This year, their awesome young roster has an additional year’s worth of experience to go along with the acquisition of SP Dan Haren. They’re going to be scary good this year.

Chad Jorgenson: Tampa Bay Rays. Once Kaz is back watch out for that top 3. I don’t care that they’re in the east, Kaz, Shields, Garza can pitch with anyone. Teams will come into Tampa and some very good hitters are going to leave with an 0-12 with 9k’s. And they’ve got more young guys ready to come up if needed.

Thomas Daniels: Surprisingly enough I have to go with the Devil Rays. Their bullpen pitched to something like a 6 ERA last season. They added a real closer (who, yes, is 40) and a couple of mediocre relievers. If they lower the bullpen ERA to like 3.5 or 4.0, they probably win another 10 or *gasp* 16 games which would give them .500.

Eugene Tierney: Detroit – they weren’t missing much, but adding Cabrera’s bat and Willis facing new hitters should have them in the playoffs again.

Hulse: It was kind of a down year for big splashy free agent signings…but in the end, how can you not say Detroit. Miguel Cabrera is in the discussion for best hitting 3b in baseball alongside ARod and David Wright, and he’s now sitting in the middle of a monster lineup instead of playing in front of 1000 people a game in Florida. The Willis throw in is also intriguing. It’s hard to say whether he’s really lost it or maybe, just maybe, he’ll be rejuvenated by playing in front of…you know….fans. He seems like the type of guy who’s at his best when he’s amped up, feeds off emotion, all that jazz. Either way, if he regains form, they got a top end pitcher and a force of nature at the plate for a bag of magic beans.

7) Which team is least improved from last year?

Aaron: When LaTroy Hawkins (did Pat Mahomes not answer his phone?) is your most recognizable new face, it’s obvious that the Yankees are a little too content with the status quo. The glorious decline has begun. Oh, how I’ll miss those first-round flameouts.

Chad: St. Louis Cardinals. Carpenter isn’t back until midseason, they just signed Kyle Loshe to stabalize the rotation. Their best player needs Tommy John surgery but is putting it off. This team has Trainwreck written all over them.

Daniels: If we don’t count teams who obviously entered into rebuilding mode and we don’t count teams that are already really friggin good (the Red Sox, for instance, did not get much better… but they were already really good) then I’d have to go with the Dodgers. The addition of Joe Torre and Andruw Jones is not going to be enough to turn a bad team around in one season, especially in a division featuring the reigning champs and a bunch of really, really good pitching.

Eugene: There are many. The Cardinals didn’t add pitching which they needed; the Astros didn’t address their weak pitching either; Oakland conceded the season by trading Haren for prospects, as did Florida with Cabrera/Willis. Washington is probably the least improved; they upgraded the outfield, but still don’t have a starting pitcher that can eat innings or win games (or in the case of John Patterson, stay healthy).

Hulse: Well, The Twins made 2 trades where they gave up the best lefty in baseball, and another one where they got back bat-tossin’ Delmon Young. This is not how you win ballgames. I guess that’s what happens when your team is owned by a guy who got rich foreclosing on people during the depression.

8) Will Barry Bonds be signed and, if so, where and for how much?

Aaron: If, and only if, his trial can be delayed until after the 2008 season, I could see him showing up around the All-Star Break to help a team whose “Opening Day Plan A” went awry. My guess? The A’s bring him in (pro-rated $10M for the rest of the season) after Jack Cust turns back into a pumpkin and they’ve tired of those crappier-than-usual attendance figures.

Eugene: Bonds is done; his legal trouble is too much for most teams to handle.

Daniels: I can’t think of any team that wants to invite a media circus of that caliber into their clubhouse. Especially if he’s expecting $10 million and the same “I sit when I want to sit and play when I want to play” gig that he had in San Francisco. I’m also pretty sure that he’ll have to take one of the DH gigs since I’m not sure he can play defense anymore. That said: I want to see him sign in Cincinnati and hit 100 home runs in that park.

Chad: Hope not. But Tampa has sounded interested. If he makes more than the veteran minimum it’s too much.

Hulse: I can’t see it happening. First off, he wants too much money. A guy who’s accustomed to playing for 20 mil per year isn’t playing for 2. Also, even if he was willing to play for less money, the amount of baggage he carries is unparalleled. It’s tough to count on a guy who might be going to jail soon. He’s also so intertwined into the fabric of the Bay Area I can’t see him ever wanting to leave, which limits him to the A’s, who are all about value. I think the line for Barry just ended. Enjoy retirement Barry, Marion Jones sends her love.

9) Will Mike Piazza be signed and, if so, where and for how much?

Aaron: Nope. Honestly, watching him with my A’s last year was embarrassing, so he should just quietly ride off into the sunset. The real shame is that he’s most widely linked to his time with the Mets. Notwithstanding the post 9/11 home run, his most productive moments (and seasons) came with the Dodgers. The last of the great baseball mullets.

Chad: No.

Daniels: I’m not quite sure how Mike Piazza still isn’t signed unless he’s just asking an absurd amount for back-up catching/DH duties. Even with his ability to catch every day diminishing with his power numbers, he’s still better than every single back-up catcher in the league. I’ll say Piazza ends up wherever the first major injury to a catcher happens and for about $5 million… so the Yankees.

Eugene: Piazza won’t play in the US this year, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he plays in Japan to rebuild value.

Hulse: See, now THIS is a guy with value. Honestly, he would probably play for less than Barry would “settle” for and his stats, assuming they were both healthy, wouldn’t be all that different. Factor in the fact that Piazza, by all accounts, is a guy everyone has enjoyed playing with and Barry’s a superdouche, then factor in the whole, you know, steroid/perjury/jail time thing with Bonds. Who would you sign? As far as where he’d play…tough to say. He’d have to be in the AL as a DH, and the only teams that look like they might have use for a DH with some pop are Seattle and Texas. Vidro did well last year for the M’s but he’s not the picture of durability, and Texas is DHing Frank Catalanotto. He might fit there too.

10) Will Billy Crystal make the Yankees. If so, will he be their oldest player?

Aaron: Not only would he be their oldest, but he’d also bring back “True Yankee” ways to the dugout, which, according to the local media, haven’t been seen in the Bronx since the greatest player of our generation starting playing third base there in 2004. Remember, these days “True Yankee” means “old and can’t hit”. Billy could be the new Luis Sojo.

Chad: He could probably help their starting pitching more than their lineup, but still no.

Daniels: Billy Crystal will not only make the Yankees but they’ll find out he’s a better 1B than Giambi. Take him early in your fantasy drafts.

Eugene: Since he’s already been cut, I’ll say no. It was a nice story, but it’s time to block it from our memories until Garth Brooks trys out again.

Hulse: I heard they’re signing the corpse of Clete Boyer for an at bat next week.

We opened it up to the floor and, therefore, Tailgate Crashers happily presents the 2008 version of “25 Questions Until Opening Day: Be Better Than Bootleg”.

1) What was the single best off-season move?

Aaron Cameron: I think the Yankees re-signing Alex Rodriguez for 10 years/$275M qualifies, if for no other reason than the fact that A-Rod negotiated the deal himself. Anything that kicks super-agent/a-hole Scott Boras in the nuts rocks the casbah in my book.

Chad Jorgenson: Trading away zero of your top two prospects for the best pitcher in the known universe. Closely followed by the bold decision to have no one sign Barry Lamar Bonds. Yes, I’m adding the middle name from here on out, puts him up there in that John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald category.

Thomas Daniels: As a Mets’ fan, my pick is obvious. The Mets dumping a bunch of farm talent they won’t be using in the near future for the best pitcher in baseball. They took their 90-win team, dropped the guy who blew the season and replaced him with Johan F’n Santana. I don’t think it’s even close. Honorable mention goes to the Diamondback’s deal for Dan Haren, which if Randy Johnson can stay remotely healthy this season, gives them one of the best 1-3s in the league and a chance in any five- or seven-game series.

Eugene Tierney: I’m torn between Santana to New York, Cabrera to Detroit, and Haren to the D’Backs; I have to lean towards Santana. Sure, he’s switching leagues, but he’ll be facing the pitcher rather than the DH, the new park (and most in the Division) is a pitcher’s park, and will join a contender.

Hulse: With all deference to my Mets getting Johan, it’s gotta be the D-Backs trading for Haren. With an ace already in Brandon Webb, the team that won the NL West has lost nothing, looks to only improve with all their youth, and added a 1b to go with their 1a in the rotation. It’s like Unit and Schilling, only they’re not in their mid to late 30’s.

2) What was the single worst off-season move?

Aaron: Well, it’s less of a “move” and more of a “decision”, but whoever made the call to open the regular season in Japan should be drawn n’ quartered, tarred n’ feathered and any other compound-torture concept. I know it’s not unprecedented, but, really…does the country that won the inaugural World Baseball Classic need MLB to make more Japanese love the game?

Chad: Trading six prospects including your top two for a pitcher who hasn’t been good in 3 years and an overweight third baseman. I think the Tigers will be a good team this year, but talk about giving up on the future for the present.

Daniels: The Orioles moving Miguel Tejada and Erik Bedard. This is only the worst because they should have done it two years ago when the Mets could have gotten Roy Oswalt out of the deal.

Eugene: The Astros trading the weak farm for Miguel Tejada. He’s in decline and they gave up a lot of prospects for him. Maybe moving to the Juice Box will help him rebound. Off course, what do you expect from Ed Wade.

Hulse: The Twins holding out with Johan trying to bait 3 teams into a bidding war was abominable. They had offers out there that could have netted them major league ready arms in Phil Hughes or Clay Buchholz, but instead they held out for more with both the Yanks and Sawks. The Mets had a good offer out there but the Twins demanded Jose Reyes. In the end, all they got was Carlos Gomez and the pitching rotation lottery or Deolis Guerra, Kevin Mulvey, and Phil Humber. If those 3 become the next Maddux/Glavine/Smoltz, then I’ll eat some crow. However, Guerra is considered kind of a risk and Humber already had Tommy John surgery. This is not how you win baseball games.

3) Has the magic of Firejoemorgan.com been lost for you now that you know that Ken Tremendous is a writer for The Office and named “Schurr”?

Aaron: As long as there is so much bad sportswriting out there, I’ll always have a bookmark for FJM, regardless of who the authors are. There are still people who think David Eckstein and Darin Erstad are “winning” players. FJM still has much work to be done.

Chad: Ummmm………who’s Ken Tremendous? And why are we firing Joe Morgan?

Daniels: A little. It was much more fun when I thought it was two or three stat-geeks with a computer and a sense of humor. It’s still really funny, but knowing that they’re professional TV Writers broke down a fourth wall that I didn’t need broken down.

Eugene: I love it. The Office is one of the best shows on TV and Firejoemorgan.com have always been an entertaining read.

Hulse: Ummmm…….no. Absolutely not. That site is brilliant for both comedy’s sake and to further the cause of stat-heads everywhere. VIVA VORP!!!

4) This year marks 100 years since the Cubs have won a World Series. If my theory is correct and the 23rd Street Mason’s Complex in Manhattan contains a Board Room that scripts all sports, is it in the bag for the Cubs? Will I be slain for revealing this?

Aaron: The Northsiders are just barely the best team in their division (and maybe not that if Milwaukee’s pitching avoids injury), so I’m not nearly as sold on them as a lot of folks. This is the same front office that thought the gritty “calls-a-good-game” remains of Jason Kendall (HAW!) was the final piece of last year’s puzzle. They look like an 85-win team that’ll need to get hot at the right time to play deep in October. RIP, Tom.

Chad: Nope, No Series for da Cubbies.

Daniels: Now that I have exposed this plan, no. Otherwise, yes. I have a detailed description of where this Board Room is and the membership list which will be sent to the NY Post in the event of my demise. Everyone will believe it if it’s in the Post.

Eugene: Nothing is certain for the Cubs, but you will be slain for revealing the location of the secret Board Room.

Hulse: It’d be in the bag if they had pitching to count on. Masons do not script sports. If they did, the Cubs and Red Sox would have both advanced in 2003 to play in the World Series, which would have caused a major paradox and ripped a hole in the space-time continuum. Actually, now that I think of it, better that they didn’t play. We’d all be vaporized.

5) Will option-year Manny Ramirez light it up like he hasn’t lit it up since 2005?

Aaron: In general, the huge lumbering behemoths of the steroid era haven’t aged all that well. Manny’s decline has begun and I don’t see how a 35-year-old with over 2000 regular and postseason games on his odometer can reverse it. He’ll still be better than most team’s leftfielders at the plate, though. I call .280 BA, 25 HR.

Daniels: Reports are saying that Manny’s in the best shape of his life right now. He’s also in a team option year; which makes it almost certain that the Red Sox will decline the option and try to re-negotiate… so in all reality he’s probably in a walk-year. Knowing that, I think he puts up whatever power year he has left in him… to the tune of a 30 HR, 110 RBI, .297/.380/.600 type year.

Chad: No, he’s going to have about the same year as last year, maybe a few more homeruns, but nothing impressive.

Eugene: He’ll put up some his best numbers, but will take a discount to stay in Boston. He likes being the center of their drama.

Hulse: I don’t think he will. I could be wrong, but I think he’s just declining as he gets a lot closer to 40 than 30; not to mention there’s a good chance Manny doesn’t realize that his contract is up…nor that he can, you know, count. Seriously, do you think Manny Ramirez can count to 160 million? I have my doubts. While we’re on the subject of the savant, am I the only one who thinks the Sawks dealt Hanley Ramirez to Florida not only for Josh Beckett, but also to avoid confusing Manny with the whole same last name deal? Like if Hanley was announced at the plate, Manny might start wandering to the plate aimlessly, looking confused. Or he’d mix up their jerseys like 4 games a week? I think I’m onto something here.